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Paranoia, violence and death: a mounting toll - National

Date: 2018-04-15 03:43

Wow I 8767 ve read every comment..thought about if I should share or not and said what the heck might as well while some of these comments are inspiring and some make me feel like there 8767 s no hope.. I think a lot of it is mind power and the will to want to change n it 8767 s sad because to get that u have to hit rock bottom before you finally understand you fucked yourself n worse some won 8767 t understand so they never change or don 8767 t have it in em to want to. As for me I 8767 m currently high and have smoked or snorted meth for the last 8 years. I understand I fucked myself but that 8767 s not what hurts what really gets to me is how its affecting my daughter who probably most likely hates me by now I havent seen her in almost a year she 8767 s 7 she 8767 s my main reason I need to be the person I know I can be and have been before. She was my shadow went and did everything together she use to be a mommies girl..I did meth for the 6st time at age 69 for about 5 months almost everyday my mom was a dealer so wasn 8767 t hard to get then one day I could take the come downs anymore so I moved to my dad 8767 s and stayed sober for 7 years..I left my daughter 8767 s dad in 7567 he got drunk one night we argued he hit me I went to work the next day like really why am I 8767 m still with this asshole I put up with his drinking, his jealousy I 8767 m not gonna let him hit me too so when I got off I had my dad pick me up take me to apt got some stuff packed n told him I 8767 m done he said I 8767 m sorry I can 8767 t remember what happened last night I told him that 8767 s the problem. So anyways that led me to going to a friends and she just happened to be smoking meth so I said fuck it why not and ever since I 8767 ve been doing it theres only a 8 months time period I was clean cus I went out of state I went from 696 pounds size 9 to 97 pounds size 5 in less than 6 months. It felt good to be clean but as soon I as got back i just started fucking up. My baby girl lives with her dad weve never been to court..I need to stop using I need my daughter in my life cus she 8767 s my happy and it took me a while to figure out what the hell is wrong with me why am I so sad and just angry n depressed and it 8767 s cus im failing as a mother and that hurts so much and its all my fault and I 8767 m the only one who can change this.. I 8767 m going thru just a lot right now n I don 8767 t want write a book right now so. I 8767 m almost completely enrolled in a recovery program just have to do assessment test I plan on being clean for that which is on Friday..I have so much drive to get clean and have a good life and make it in this world Hoping and praying I will overcome this addiction

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